“Do you belong to the Christian family?
“No, I mean are you lost?”
“No, I’ve been here thirty years.”
“I mean are you ready for Judgment Day?”
“When is it?”
“It could be today or tomorrow.”
“Well, when you find out for sure when it is, you let me know. My wife will probably want to go both days!”
Don’t Pay for Me
A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear; “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five…
God, do you have Time ?
A man was walking through a forest pondering life. He walked, pondered, walked, and pondered. He felt very close to nature and even close to God. He felt so close to God that he felt if he spoke God would listen.
So he asked, “God, do you have time, are you listening?” And God replied, “Yes my son, I am here.”The man stopped and pondered some more. He looked towards the sky and said, “God, what is a million years to you?” God replied, “Well my son, a second to me is like a million years to you.” So the man continued to walk and to ponder… walk and ponder…
Then he looked to the sky again and said, “God, what is a million dollars to you?” And God replied…
“My son, my son… a penny to me is like a million dollars to you. It means almost nothing to me. It does not even have a value it is so little.” The man looked down, pondered a bit and then looked up to the sky and said, “God, can I have a million dollars?” And God replied, “In a second.”
What’s in Your Mail?
One day God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an Angel down to earth to check it out. So He called a Angel and sent him to earth for a time. When he returned he told God, yes it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good. Well, he thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down another angel. To get two points of view.
So God called another Angel and sent her to earth for a time. When the Angel returned she went to God and told Him, yes the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good. God said this was not good, and asked the Angel to write a letter and He would send it to the 5% that were good and encourage them, a little something to help them keep going. Do you know what that letter said?………..Oh, you didn’t get one either ?…..
A father wanted to read the paper, but was being bothered by his little daughter, Vanessa. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his magazine, on which was printed the map of the world. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Vanessa, and said, “Go into the other room and see if you can put this together.” After a few minutes, Vanessa returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. “Oh,” she said, “on the other side of the paper was a picture of Jesus. When I got Jesus in His place, then the world came out all right”
A Joyful Heart Makes the Face Serene.