I hope you won’t be fooled by me, for I wear a mask.
I wear 1,000 masks, masks that I’m afraid to take off, and one of them is me.
I am likely to give you the impression that I’m secure, that confidence is my name and coolness is my game, that the water’s calm, and I’m in command, and that I need no one. But I hope you won’t believe me.
My surface may seem smooth; beneath I dwell in confusion, fear, aloneness.
But I hide this, I panic at the thought of my weakness, and I fear of being exposed.
That’s why I frantically create a mood to hide behind, a nonchalant sophisticated facade to shield me from your understanding.
But such understanding is what I desperately need…
And I know it.
If I don’t keep the mask in front of myself I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh, and your laugh would hurt me deeply.
So I play the game, with a facade of assurance without, and a trembling feeling within, and so my life bears a front; I idly chatter to you in suave surface tones.
I tell you everything that’s nothing, and nothing of what’s everything of what’s crying out within me.
So when I go into my routine, I hope you won’t be fooled by what I am saying I hope you listen carefully to hear what I am not saying.
I want you to know how important you are to me, how you can help me be the person I was created to be if you choose.
But it will not be easy for you. A long conviction of worthlessness leads me to maintain distance.
The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back.
It is self-defeating but at the same time it seems the safest thing to do. I fight against the very things I cry out for.
But I am told that empathy is stronger than walls and therein lies my hope.
I desperately want you to understand me in spite of my distancing tactics.
I dislike the superficial phony game I’m playing. I’d really like to be open, genuine, spontaneous.
I want your help in doing this. I want you to risk approaching me even when that’s the last thing I seem to want or need.
I want this from you so I can feel safe to be me.
Each time you are kind and gentle and encouraging, each time you try to understand because you really care, my courage to risk sharing myself with you increases.
Author Unknown
We all need to be Loved, wanted and appreciated even if we are afraid to show our True feelings or to express these Needs.
.We remember that Hurt People Hurt People and Themselves.
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Had trouble sleeping last night up early. Tossed and turned, Yes I read your post and very interesting. I too wore a mask and still do too some degree. When I have good days I’m fine without the mask and sometimes I feel as though what am I doing. It is still the hurt in me coming away.
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I found dear Barb listening to Christian Music as I was going to sleep made a big difference, I have done this now for many years but also asking Jesus to clean my mind of all the yuk I had put in it and to plant instead a beautiful garden got rid of all the weeds that were left.
Christian Love Always – Anne
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Anne, you’re welcome to visit any time! Carley
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You too Carley I appreciate your sharing, you are beautiful in your spirit, you have a real Love for God and others and a desire to learn which many lack. It has taken me many years to understand that we are all people of worth not just some and with this understanding I Loved myself and so was able to choose to Love others by the empowering of The Holy Ghost or Spirit as we call Him today. Thank you so much for your honesty and willingness to be real. I have messed up my Blogroll but will try again,
Christian Love Anne.
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So true ,sometimes it`s easier and more comfortable to hide behind our masks ,as we all have them, saves getting tooo involved , thanks for highlighting it ,Anne.
Ron
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Thank you Ron and as you said, it is eiser to hide then be honest, I shared about my battle with this on April’s Blog, see link below, it’s the second one of my posts.
You may not remember Happy Annie but for many years that was my mask, sure people may reject my honesty now but I appreciate not having to carry that heavy mask around anymore.
Thank you Ron for not expecting me to do so anymore – Christian Love Anne.
Click onto – http://aprilhawk.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/its-halloweentake-off-the-mask-2/
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Anne – a common problem for many. People who’ve been hurt tend to hurt. Abused children grow up to be abusive adults unless the cycle is broken. May we each learn to treat one another gently and with loving-kindnesses. Amen. Thanks, Carley
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Yes you are right Carley and with honesty too, so important today when so many water down the Truth. Thank you for sharing I must drop by and see what your up to.
Take Care – Christian Love Anne.
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PS I have added your Blog to my Blogroll.
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Thank you April I too have you on my Blogroll, I feel your focus is really good and your gift with words wonderful.
Christian Love Anne
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Anne
Thank you. I loved it. You are so thoughtful. Blessed to have our paths crossing via blogging. Many blessings to you this weekend.
April
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Blessings to you and your Loved ones April – Christian Love – Anne
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