The Filing Room

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with filing cabinets and small index card files inside. They were like the ones in the libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which were stretched from floor to ceiling and were seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read “Girls I Have Liked”.  I opened it and began flipping through the white cards.  I quickly shut it, shocked to realise that I recognised the names written on each one.  And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.  The lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalogue system for my life.  Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn’t match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content.  Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.  A file named “Friends” was next to one marked “Friends I Have Betrayed”.

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird.  “Books I Have Read”, “Lies I Have Told”, “Comfort I Have Given”, “Jokes I Have Laughed At”.  Some were almost hilarious in their exactness:  “Things I Have Yelled At My Little Brother”.  Others I couldn’t laugh at:  “Things I Have Done In My Anger”, “Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath At My Parents”.  I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.  Often there were many more cards than I expected.  Sometimes even fewer than I hoped.  I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I have lived. 

Could it be possible that I had the time in my life to write each of these thousands or even millions of cards?  But each card confirmed the truth.  Each was written in my own handwriting.  Each was signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked “Songs I Have Listened To”, I realised that the files grew to contain their contents.  The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn’t found the end of the file.  I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of wasted time that file represented.  When I came to a file marked “Lustful Thoughts”, I felt a chill run through my body.  I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card.  I shuddered at its detailed content.  I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. 

An almost animal rage broke on me.  One thought dominated my mind:  “No one must ever see this room!  I have to destroy them!”  In an instant frenzy I yanked the file out — its size didn’t matter now.  I had to empty it and burn those cards.  But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.  I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.  Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot.  Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long sigh it was hopeless I can’t get rid of the evidence.

And then I saw it.  The file with the title “People I Have Shared The Gospel With”.  The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused.  I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands.  I could count the cards contained on one hand.  And then the tears came.  I began to weep with sobs so deep that the hurt started in my stomach and shook through me.  I fell on my knees and cried.  I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.  The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.  No one must ever, ever know of this room.  I must lock it up and hide the key.  But then as I wiped away the tears, I saw Him.  No, please, not Him.  Not here.

Oh, anyone but Jesus.  I watched helplessly as He began to read the cards.  I couldn’t bear to watch His response, and in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.  He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.  Why did He have to read every one?

Finally, He turned and looked at me from across the room.  He looked at me with pity in His eyes, but His was a pity that didn’t anger me.  I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again.  He walked over and put His arm around me.  He could have said so many things.  But He didn’t say a word.  He just cried with me. 

 Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.  Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.  “No!” I shouted, rushing to Him.  All I could find to say was “No, No” as I pulled the card from Him.  His name shouldn’t be on these cards… 

But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive.  

The name of Jesus covered mine.  It was written with His blood.  He gently took the card back.  He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.  I don’t think I’ll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.  He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, “It is finished”.

I stood up, and He led me out of the room.  There was no lock on its door. There are still cards to be written…  perfect cards

1Peter 5:10 But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1John 3: 6 -7 Whosoever abideth in Jesus does not sin whosoever sins has not seen Him, or known Him. Little children, let no man deceive you he that does righteousness is righteous, even as He is righteous.

1John 3: 8-9 For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that He might destroy the works of the devil. Whosoever is Born of God does not commit sin for His seed remaineth in him and he cannot sin because he is Born of God.  

Music- For Those Tears I died.

 

About Freedomborn ... Aussie Christian Focus

Hi I’m a Spiritual Child of The King of Kings and Lord of Lords, my name is Anne. I live in Queensland Australia, I’m very much a People person believing we are all people of worth and unique, so I have much Joy in sharing with people personally and over the Internet. My main focus in life is my wonderful Friendship with Jesus Christ, without Him everything else would be meaningless, I have deep heartfelt thanks and appreciation that I'm a Spiritual Child of The King of Kings and I seek to share with others how truly wonderful that is with the hope they too will realize the same and be set free.
This entry was posted in Messages From The Heart, Words of Encouragment. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Filing Room

  1. Freedomborn says:

    Hi Ron, yes God is indeed very Loving and Merciful and as you have shared in the past, we show He is when we walk in Christ Jesus because others can then see we have been set free from the slavery and bondage of sin.

    John 8:34-36 Jesus replied, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

    1 John 2:4-6 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him. But whoso keepeth His word, in him verily is the Love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in Him. He that saith he abideth in Him ought himself also so to walk, even as He walked.

    Christian Love Anne.

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  2. Ron says:

    Always enjoyed reading and usimg the Filing Room very powerful and a testimony to God`s wondrous grace.
    Ron

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  3. I read this many years ago but it still has the same impact.
    We know it will not happen this way but it IS still challenging.

    I am so very, very thankful that there is now NO RECORD of any of my sins. They are gone, gone, gone – as far as the east is from the west – and God remembers them no more. In fact, if I mentioned a past sin to God, He would say “My dear child, you must be mistaken. I have no record of your doing that”

    What an amazing Saviour!

    Like

    • Freedomborn says:

      Hi meetingintheclouds, I agree with you, and believe as you do that even if man remembers our sin God does not. It is true that our sins are recorded and we are accountable until we come to heart repentance, meaning we see our sin for what it is as this man did and grieve for the hurt we have caused God, others and ourselves, instead of trying to ignore it or justify it or blame others for it and by doing this we are receiving our Salvation which is a free gift that all mankind has but receives only by True heart repentance in believing in The Name of Jesus Christ and so our past sins are removed, and as you shared this is as far as the east is to the west because God does not keep a record of wrongs… He is Love and so He keeps His promises.

      James 4:8-10 Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up.

      Matthew 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn : for they shall be comforted.

      Christian Love Anne.

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  4. My throat is tight with tears at this moment. Unbearable shame followed by compassion, love and forgiveness! If everyone could read this and understand its true implications, could take to heart this lesson and change before it is too late … what a world we would have! Thanks Annie, for sharing this with us. I am going to pass it on.

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    • Freedomborn says:

      Very True Drusilla, but it will be only those who read it with Spirituel eyes that will understand it’s real Truth, God bless you greatly for doing so.

      Christian Love Anne

      1 Corinthians 2: 9-16 But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that Love him. But God hath revealed them unto us by his Spirit: for the Spirit searcheth all things, yea, the deep things of God. For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man’s wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with Spiritual. But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are Spiritually discerned. But he that is Spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man. For who hath known the mind of the Lord, that he may instruct Him? but we have the mind of Christ.

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