A Life that is Blessed by God’s Mercy and Grace…..
My first memory was at about the age of 3, hiding under the bed because my birth Mother who was an Alcoholic use to belt me when she came home from the Hotel, I was very frightened of her, she use to pull my hair, kick and hit me, why she did this I was never sure but I think it was because my father wouldn’t marry her, I was the result of her having an affair with him, sadly I suffered nightmares for many years as a child because of her abuse.
My brother John, I called him Johnny, was two years older than me, I haven’t seen him since I was 5 years old although I have tried many times to find him, he use try to protect me as best he could but he wasn’t strong enough. At other times when my mother wasn’t drunk she use to just ignore me.
When I was 4 she left me at my fathers factory door with a note saying… you can have her I don’t want her, my father took me home and no doubt he made up a story, but his wife Edie knew, as I was told later, that I was his lust child, anyway I was a lot like him so it would not have been hard to work out, which means no doubt Edie found it very hard knowing he had been unfaithful.
Edie wasn’t cruel to me and provided the basics like food and clothes, but I was neglected and would often be left alone or with strange Uncles and Neighbours, Edie never showed any Love to me and both her and Dad use to argue all the time, I was often very frightened and tried to stay out-of-the-way.
I didn’t have a lot of time with Dad because he came home very late at night and then later he was in and out of Hospital. Thankfully towards the end of his life through contact with a Minister he repented and accepted Salvation.
One night he called me into his bedroom and holding me close to him, very softly said to me … Be a Sunbeam for Jesus and keep shining, I kissed him goodnight and he closed his eyes and opened them in Heaven.
I was 8 when Dad died and was then cared for alternately by two different families both only for a short time, I think because of my being Dyslexic and having problems learning, I was too much trouble so they sent me back.
Edie then left me with a Neighbour when I was 9 to visit her daughter in N.Z who was my half Sister, we met each other about 12 years ago, sadly she died December 2011. Edie never came back, she told Mum to put me in an Orphanage but Mum kept me and then Adopted me when I was older.
Because of not being cared for properly I was sexually molested from the age of 3 till in my early Teens by 5 different men the last one was a Doctor who raped me, as you can imagine it took years to come to terms with, but I was only really healed when as a Christian I forgave those men who had hurt me and this was the same with my birth father, birth mother, Edie and others, of course I still have the memory but not the pain that went with the abuse.
How did I start my walk with the Lord and experienced God’s Love, Power Mercy and Grace in my life, I was a very lonely little girl of 8 years who was Dyslexic and shunned by the Children at School, nobody wanted to be my friend and it hurt greatly, they called me the dummy, even the Teachers thought I was mentally challenged. With not being able to read and write until I was over 12 years old, I found it hard to relate to my lessons and so was inattentive during class and was often in trouble.
One night I ended up going to big Church, I had only ever gone to Sunday School… now I’m sure the Minister would have talked about why we need to repent and Salvation and all that involves but all I heard was Jesus Loves you and wants to be your friend, it really hit home … Jesus wanted me to be His friend WOW I rushed down the front, someone wanted Me to be their FRIEND… I sang and danced all the way home my Joy was so overwhelming, I have never forgotten it.
I was not followed up because I was only a child of 8, but I had a FRIEND and I played dolls with Jesus and I told him all about feeling hurt and asked Him to help me be good .Jesus helped me with my learning problems l will share how as we continue on our journey.
Lamentations 3: 33 For God doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the Children of Men.
Please hold onto this Truth from God in the Scriptures, He knows us before we are conceived and it is not His will we suffer but He knows that we will and strengthens us. Some ask why did He not stop our suffering but if He was to stop all evil He would have to end this World and many would be lost but He is patient not wanting anyone to perish, meaning to be eternally separated from Him and so suffer without Hope forever, He is giving them time to come to their senses and repent, accepting the free gift of Salvation in Christ Jesus and not one of us whom He knows as His own will be lost.
Even after all that happened to me some of which my childlike mind repressed till many years later, I was always a people person and loved visiting the elderly and other Neighbours. I use to pick flowers from their own garden and give them as a gift, it was my way of saying thank you for your friendship, of course they knew but there was always a warm welcome, bickies and warm milk and so I also knew kindness from those who God put in my life to lighten the load of a little lost girl, I also had the gift of humour but at times I was very sad and so I use to sing to Jesus and that always made me feel much better.
I penned a few Poems about this time in my life, both are similar as they focus on these same years, I hope you are blessed by them. The last links are about other times in my life where God’s Grace and Mercy is also shown.
Thank you for Listening- Christian Love Anne.
Jesus Understands- https://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2011/10/01/jesus-understands/
In Jesus’ Arms- https://freedomborn.wordpress.com/2011/09/29/in-my-arms/